How I got to be where I am. (Part 2)

Religion is a universal experience for human beings. It has been around since the dawn of time, when man saw the awesome power of nature over his survival. Even at the dawn of the 21st century, with the growth of science and technology at a time when we want to believe that knowledge, information and reason reign supreme, the major conflicts of the world at best have religious undertones, and at worst, religion is at the center. Aristotle said that man was a political being; the corollary to that is that man is a religious beast as well. It’s not surprising that after my crisis of belief, I felt ungrounded.

The road to Buddhism
When people become disenchanted with a particular religion reactions vary. Some might become atheists, others will find a new belief system. Yet for others, as it was for me, the search was internal. Perhaps it was a disenchantment with institutional religion but I felt that my search needed to be an internal search. There was an innate feeling that it was in this internal search that I would find whatever it was I was looking for. I have to say, I was scarcely aware of the search, much less of what it was I was looking for.

My introduction to Eastern philosophy came in graduate school. A local radio station (I can’t remember if it was the UCSB campus radio station or the local NPR affiliate) aired “The love of Wisdom” a series of lectures by Alan Watts; after listening to him I was hooked. I began to seek out books on Eastern thought. Books on Taoism led to Tai Ch, “moving meditation.” Tai Chi led to an interest in meditation and meditation led me to Buddhism.

Years later I recognize how the internal search manifested itself externally as well. There was turmoil in my life and my relationships. At the time I didn’t quite recognize the connection. Suffering in my life was tangible. Much of it, if not all of it, caused by myself and the decisions I was making. I don’t regret any of those decisions, I do however regret any suffering I may have caused in others.


When the student is ready the teacher will present herself
In my search for a place to meditate I found the Sweetwater Zen Center in what I thought at the time was a most unlikely place. After a few months of practice and the demise of my personal relationship at the time, I ended up living there for a little over a year. It was exactly what I needed at the time. A very gentle and welcoming introduction to Zen and an encouragement for me to work on my psychological issues through therapy. I give all the credit in the world to Seisen Saunders Roshi for giving me the space to do what I needed to do.

After I left the Zen Center I went “back home” to Tijuana, Mexico. It was a wonderful couple of years, where I could step back, take stock, and re-connect with family. However in that time my Zen practice waned. In the last year I’ve entered a pretty amazing relationship with a very wonderful woman. And the call to the cushion has become strong again. Once again, the teacher has presented herself. Sensei Mitra Bishop of the Hidden Valley Zen Center has appeared in my path. Even though our interactions have been brief to this point, I have to accept that there is a somewhat deep connection for me, and more importantly a trust. With her guidance I hope to deepen my meditation practice and let life unfold. By the way, what I write in this blog are completely my understandings or misunderstandings and should not be taken as a reflection my teachers in any way.